Uganda or Germany or another country?
Here I am, sitting in the plane back from the developed western hemisphere having the country director just one seat in front of me, wondering, why I keep on wanting to stay in Uganda.
I have had some wonderful days in Germany. But those were holidays… holidays in fact, because I was stuck in traffic jams too often. But is generally a stupid idea to drive a car before holidays. Anyway, it was great, because my friends visited their families and so on. So, it would probably be different, when I would go back for good. I would be in Frankfurt, and the two others in Bielefeld and Munich. Both places, I could reach within three to four hours, depending on the way I drive and the time I leave Frankfurt…
But why do I not fancy working again for the bank? When I started my banking career, I was looking forward to lead the usual life of a banker. Living in a nice apartment, eating out and doing sports on the weekends and enjoy skiing and diving during the holidays. And earning money by wearing suits and using my brain instead of my hands… This is all on offer again and it is up to me to join this path of life (again).
I saw how it could be. There are three friends in Frankfurt. One is wondering whether he should quit his well-paid job as a portfolio manager and join the development business. The other one is probably one of the most intelligent persons, I have ever met. Unfortunately, ha was mentally-ill (psychosis) for some years and he struggles to get back into is previous career track.. And the third lives together with his girl-friend in this beautiful big apartment, both play golf, do not have to worry, whether they can afford two or tree holiday trips per year – their only restrictions are the number of leave days and the projects they are on to.
Well, I have everything ready to go. The nice suits, shirts and ties are hanging in my apartment in Frankfurt –covered of course to be protected from the dust (Do I really have dust in Frankfurt, I mean compared to Kampala?), the shoes are polished and in their little shoe-bags, my briefcase is at its place. Last Thursday, I tried it out. I woke up, shaved, had a shower (I know that that is the wrong order, but I prefer it this way), put on the underwear, and then I had breakfast. After finishing reading the daily, I just went to the suits, pulled out my most classic one (dark-blue), took a white shirt and a nice tie, tied my shoes and went to the bus heading to downtown. And after twenty-five minutes I was there. I stood in front of the headquarters of my employer: Deutsche Bank.
Well, I am on unpaid leave and some people would not understand that actually used to work for this financial institution. Is is said to be the symbol of German capitalism and it is usually criticised for its pure profit orientation, its arrogance and tough management. But I have always liked to work that that institution. Some years ago I even fancied working as an executive assistant to learn how this big boat is steered. Well, but then I changed my mind and ended up working as a consultant in the development business. Strange.
But now I am coming closer to a cross roads, where I will have to decide. During my interview, the representative from Deutsche Bank wanted to know what I would like to do, when I rejoin the bank as planned in October. He also mentioned that I could not extent my leave again. So, I will have to make a final decision. And I do not like to make decisions.
It would be so much easier, when I already knew, whether I could stay in Uganda. Working here/there (being on the plane makes me wonder whether it is already here or still there), would be an alternative. However, why? I do not know why I would consider it being an appropriate alternative to a banker’s life in Frankfurt. Whenever, I had to make such a decision before, I said to myself, “Hey, why not. I am young; I have no commitments, no significant other who could hold me back. I should just do it.”
But this time, I fear it might be more. It is also a kind of decision which will determine my future life. Would I ever lead a normal family life in Germany, if I stayed in Uganda for some more years or in another country on another mission in this kind business? Whenever I see older colleagues with their families I conclude that I do not want to end up like them.
But first things first. I will finish up my current assignment, return to Frankfurt by June 1st, participate in the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge in the very evening, report back to office in Frankfurt on June 2nd, drive to Bielefeld on June 3rd, and on June 4th we will have our 10th Abitur anniversary. Maybe, I will know by then, what I would like to do from October onwards, when I see all the married fathers and mothers, which whom I went to school… This will probably be strange, because we have not met for the past 10 years. And, by June I should found reasons to decide in one or the other way.
I have had some wonderful days in Germany. But those were holidays… holidays in fact, because I was stuck in traffic jams too often. But is generally a stupid idea to drive a car before holidays. Anyway, it was great, because my friends visited their families and so on. So, it would probably be different, when I would go back for good. I would be in Frankfurt, and the two others in Bielefeld and Munich. Both places, I could reach within three to four hours, depending on the way I drive and the time I leave Frankfurt…
But why do I not fancy working again for the bank? When I started my banking career, I was looking forward to lead the usual life of a banker. Living in a nice apartment, eating out and doing sports on the weekends and enjoy skiing and diving during the holidays. And earning money by wearing suits and using my brain instead of my hands… This is all on offer again and it is up to me to join this path of life (again).
I saw how it could be. There are three friends in Frankfurt. One is wondering whether he should quit his well-paid job as a portfolio manager and join the development business. The other one is probably one of the most intelligent persons, I have ever met. Unfortunately, ha was mentally-ill (psychosis) for some years and he struggles to get back into is previous career track.. And the third lives together with his girl-friend in this beautiful big apartment, both play golf, do not have to worry, whether they can afford two or tree holiday trips per year – their only restrictions are the number of leave days and the projects they are on to.
Well, I have everything ready to go. The nice suits, shirts and ties are hanging in my apartment in Frankfurt –covered of course to be protected from the dust (Do I really have dust in Frankfurt, I mean compared to Kampala?), the shoes are polished and in their little shoe-bags, my briefcase is at its place. Last Thursday, I tried it out. I woke up, shaved, had a shower (I know that that is the wrong order, but I prefer it this way), put on the underwear, and then I had breakfast. After finishing reading the daily, I just went to the suits, pulled out my most classic one (dark-blue), took a white shirt and a nice tie, tied my shoes and went to the bus heading to downtown. And after twenty-five minutes I was there. I stood in front of the headquarters of my employer: Deutsche Bank.
Well, I am on unpaid leave and some people would not understand that actually used to work for this financial institution. Is is said to be the symbol of German capitalism and it is usually criticised for its pure profit orientation, its arrogance and tough management. But I have always liked to work that that institution. Some years ago I even fancied working as an executive assistant to learn how this big boat is steered. Well, but then I changed my mind and ended up working as a consultant in the development business. Strange.
But now I am coming closer to a cross roads, where I will have to decide. During my interview, the representative from Deutsche Bank wanted to know what I would like to do, when I rejoin the bank as planned in October. He also mentioned that I could not extent my leave again. So, I will have to make a final decision. And I do not like to make decisions.
It would be so much easier, when I already knew, whether I could stay in Uganda. Working here/there (being on the plane makes me wonder whether it is already here or still there), would be an alternative. However, why? I do not know why I would consider it being an appropriate alternative to a banker’s life in Frankfurt. Whenever, I had to make such a decision before, I said to myself, “Hey, why not. I am young; I have no commitments, no significant other who could hold me back. I should just do it.”
But this time, I fear it might be more. It is also a kind of decision which will determine my future life. Would I ever lead a normal family life in Germany, if I stayed in Uganda for some more years or in another country on another mission in this kind business? Whenever I see older colleagues with their families I conclude that I do not want to end up like them.
But first things first. I will finish up my current assignment, return to Frankfurt by June 1st, participate in the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge in the very evening, report back to office in Frankfurt on June 2nd, drive to Bielefeld on June 3rd, and on June 4th we will have our 10th Abitur anniversary. Maybe, I will know by then, what I would like to do from October onwards, when I see all the married fathers and mothers, which whom I went to school… This will probably be strange, because we have not met for the past 10 years. And, by June I should found reasons to decide in one or the other way.
posted by Torsten at 11:42 pm
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